If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
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