I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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