ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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