i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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