Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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