I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
