I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
