so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
