I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
