Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I just found puke in my bra..
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
