Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
