i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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