I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
