I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I can't put those talents on a resume
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
