I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
