You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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