I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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