At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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