She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Randomize
