Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
