My room smells like vodka and shame
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
