you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
