dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
