It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
