So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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