He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
