I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Randomize
