I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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