1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
