My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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