she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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