Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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