Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
how do flat chested girls get laid?
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
