i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
