Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
