Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
