Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
