If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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