so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize