apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
