Where is the hickey?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
