Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
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