yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
A+ Viking dick
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize