Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
