Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
