Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
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