last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize