Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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