Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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