I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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