saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
