Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize