Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
