his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
