Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Randomize
