my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
