lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
