i think i scared a bird with my dick
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
