i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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