i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Randomize
