you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize