Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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