If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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