He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Randomize
