Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
