just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Randomize
